When you and your partner have finally came to the
conclusion that a divorce is necessary, how exactly do you go about telling
your children?
Come on, who is really prepared to tell their child,
regardless of age, that they are are getting a divorce? I think this is the
toughest part about dealing with divorce when there are children are involved. How do you tell them, how much should they know,
when is the right time to tell them; etc. There are tons of questions you and
your partner have to discuss before talking to your child, you cannot simply
just walk up to your child and announce that you all are getting a divorce. A young
child up to may not fully understand what is going on, where an older child
will want to ask multiple questions to get an full understanding on what precisely
is happening.
I think the most important information to remember when
dealing with children is to tell them SOMETHING, even if you just telling them
something simply as, “we don’t love each other anymore”. I believe the worst
thing you can do is to keep them wondering. I can say this from personal experience.
When my parents’ divorced they didn’t tell me about anything and until this day
it keeps me wondering what really happened.
An article written by Dr.Phil called “Children’s needs while
going through a divorce”, list a couple of tips that may help children progress
through this stressful hardship.
- Acceptance
- Assurance of safety
- Freedom from guilt or blame for the divorce
- Need for structure
- Need for a stable parent who has the strength to conduct business
- Need to let kids be kids
These six tips are important to remember not only when
opening up to the children about divorce but also when going through the process
of the divorce. It’s extremely important that the kids feel safe and know that
things will be okay.
What do you think is the most important tip for parents who
are telling their child about the divorce?
I actually think the most important thing is not to bad mouth the other parent. It's tough telling a child about a divorce, but it's worse when one parent plays the "victim" and perhaps lies to elicit sympathy from a child. I think parents need to let a child figure out who the "bad guy" is, if there is one, which isn't always the case. One of my parents never trashed the other and I greatly respect said parent for that.My other parent, however, always made me feel guilty when I was with him/her by trashing the other. And maybe parents don't tell children to try to spare them, they don't want to blame one person because a child loves that parent.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Rae. The fact that a marriage does not work, it does not mean that they are "bad parents". I know that divorce is not a easy process for anyone but I believe it is very important that children understand that their parents are getting divorce because their relationship is not good and sometimes it is better that they live apart. However, it does mean that love of each one for them will vary. Finally it is very important that both parents stay very close to their kids so they will not suffer too much from this separation.
ReplyDeleteI think number 2 is the most important tip for parents who are telling their child about the divorce. Ever since we were babies, we have always wanted to feel safe and the comfort from our parents hugs and kisses assures us that we are safe. I think it is still important for parents to make sure that their children feels safe all the time, especially during rough situations. I agree that parents need to tell the children SOMETHING because at least they know something and that they would not wonder if they're the reason of the divorce.
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