Say What!!! Yes, co-parenting after divorce. This IS
POSSIBLE!
I know what you are thinking: divorce = negative outcomes.
WRONG! If parents just work together (for the sake of their children)
co-parenting can successfully work.
What is co-parenting you ask? “Co-parenting emphasizes an
equal (or nearly equal) role for father” (Margulies)
Now that you know what it is I know that you are wondering
how parents make this work. Well here is you answer:
1. Residential
Proximity
2. Economic
Parity
3. Intelligent
Scheduling
4. Acceptance
of Different Styles
5. Acceptance
of each other’s new mates
6.
Effective Conflict resolution
Co-parenting can successfully be achieved by following through with these
six steps and not trying to start to this process after the divorce takes place
but to start from the day you decide to get this divorce. I think this is the
most important step in the process because you have to come together and
cooperate with each other which may sound easier than done, especially if you
are going through a hard divorce. But you also have to let the child know that
although you two are going through a divorce and are separating from each other
that you are going to work together to still provide the best lifestyle for the
child growing up. This will not only make the process go by smoother but will
also give the child peace of mind through this stressful event that is going on
in their life.What do you think makes co-parenting hard?
I think all six tips that you mentioned are very important for co-parenting. Unfortunately, I can say as a child from divorced parents,that it usually did not happen. At the beginning, I think divorced parents think more about how handle their relationship after divorce than the relationship of them with their kids. Everything depends on the reason of the divorce that parents can manage their roles as parents. However, only co-parenting will work if both parents cooperate to work out this situation. If only one parent put all his/her energies, co-parenting will not work.
ReplyDeleteOf the six steps mentioned above, I think the most critical are:
ReplyDelete1. Residential Proximity
2. Economic Parity
5. Acceptance of each other’s new mates
After separation, some people will elect to move to different cities or states. This makes the child custody and visitation an issue with parents.
In addition, especially at the beginning of a separation, there is still a jealousy residue and bitterness. Therefore, there will likely be conflict over each person's choice of lifestyle after a divorce.
Finally, my father-in-law is an attorney who handles divorces. He said that the economics of custody is perhaps the mostly debated issue during divorce proceedings. Some parents will fight for more custody, knowing that the more custody they are granted, the lower their child support payments. In addition, lots of parents will have problems keeping up with child support payments, resulting in the garnishment of wages.
I think what makes co-parenting hard is when both parents are on bad terms with each other and no one is willing to compromise on all the steps you discussed above. A lot of times both parents do not agree and when the father can see the child or who gets the child when. One of the hardest things about co-parenting is where either of the parents start dating or have a new spouse. Often times there is a sense of jealousy and the father or mother will have a hard time compromising or accepting the fact that there is someone else in the picture living with the child now. I think for good co-parenting both parents should be at a mutual ground and should be understanding and accepting of each others life style and schedules. Compromise is key to successful co-parenting otherwise the child will feel as if they are stuck in the middle. Child support is another huge issue, many times someone does not want to pay child support or they pay a few months and than stop. Child support can cause a huge problem.
ReplyDelete